Women, Men Want You to Know…

I wrote this poem (or spoken word) back in August 2024. It was inspired by a woman who guest facilitated my men’s group and performed a provocative spoken word on women’s experience in modern society. It moved the entire group and inspired me to embody my own performing artist. I've shared this poem at a bhakti circle, an open mic, and most recently (August 2026) at a men's retreat I facilitated, where we spent time throughout the weekend writing poetry (bro-etry) to capture our personal experiences as men and then shared them at the champion’s dinner. This poem has stayed with me for several years and has moved men and women to tears — including myself. Enjoy!

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Women, men want you to know…

We shoulder an unthinkable amount of weight and we’re not even sure where it came from. One day it was just there, inherited from multiple sources. And it’s exhausting. 

We haven’t had the best models of healthy masculinity growing up. As a result, our little boys are still in the driver’s seat and so we reject responsibility, act helpless and sometimes aggressive, and avoid inspired action.

We were taught as boys that men don’t cry. “Toughen up, pussy” - A message landing on so many young ears. So we learned to bury our feelings and suffer in silence.

We tease and use locker room talk because no one taught us how to connect or communicate otherwise.

We have difficulty trusting because we’ve been led to believe that we’re untrustworthy.

We lack purpose, direction, and confidence because we were promised the illusion that if we sat still, shut up, fell in line, and earned the degree that we’d achieve the American dream. 

We’re confused by your emotional eruptions because we don’t know what it’s like to feel so deeply, and because we’ve been conditioned to think logically.

We mistakenly blur the lines between friend, lover, mother, and therapist because we have unresolved wounds that we don’t even know exist, let alone know how to heal, and so we rely on you to fulfill so many roles.

We’re stuck in nice guy roles because, at a young age, we were taught that it wasn’t safe to be ourselves, and so we became passive, avoidant, and even manipulative.

We’re disconnected from our children because we’re unconsciously repeating the same relationships we had with our fathers. 

We’re frustrated that we’re judged (especially in the dating world) by how much money we make.

We’ve searched for love through sex and we’ve accumulated shame for hurting you and ourselves along the way.

We’ve been conditioned to consume pornography at a young age, which created unrealistic expectations, addictions to body parts, and distraction from shame, fear, and boredom.

We’re angry that a few bad apples often represent the whole batch.

We’re angry that no one ever gave us permission or asked for our consent. We’ve experienced violation too, by men and women, and so we learned to violate others, especially you.

We’re frustrated and sad that we’ve been abandoned, misunderstood, and laughed at.

We’re sad that you live in subtle (or not so subtle) fear of us. That fear when you step onto a subway or hear footsteps behind you when walking home at night.

And we’ll never truly know what it’s like to be you.

But women, we also want you to know… 

We really are trying our best with the tools we’ve received thus far in life.

We’re willing to take ownership and learn from our mistakes.

Our word is our bond. We say what we mean and mean what we say.

We love making you laugh. Your laughter fills our hearts with joy.

Our love is fierce. When we love fully there is no doubt or hesitancy. We are willing to experience a lot of pain, suffering, and even death for that love.

We also yearn to slow down and be present with that love.

Our instinctual need to serve and protect is genuine. Once matured, it’s not rooted in insecurity or manipulation. It’s rooted in our big hearts and our desire to serve you and the world.

Women, we honor you. We respect you. We see and acknowledge you deeply. We admire your capacity to hold and feel, your divine intuition, and your ability to create life.

Women, we crave your ability to soften our hard edges, to still our chaotic minds, and to soothe our wounded souls.